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Forgive image SheBeWell Health Coaching

Consideration for Forgiveness

I talk about life’s balance and how health is much more than just nutrition and exercise. It is also the intertwining of the seven dimensions of health to achieve holistic health. To become holistically healthy, we need to take care of our other needs and one of those is our connection to others.  It is a vital part of emotional health and thereby physical as well.

The Daily Love

The following is most noteworthy and borrowed from a man who has been sending out love to everyone for a long time.  His blog is called “The Daily Love” and his name is Mastin Kipp.

“The joy that comes from realizing that suffering in our lives comes from the meaning we have given it is unlimited.”

First of all, I am not saying that you should disregard painful events from the past . Likewise, I am not saying to pretend they didn’t happen. But rather, I want you to believe that they no longer have to be so painful. It’s not easy changing your mind once or more. It takes work and repetition, like doing repetitions at the gym. Though it might be work, if you try, and try enough over time, new life and new meaning can emerge.

One of the best ways I know how to do this is to take ourselves out of our own story. Once we do that, we can step into the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs of the person who hurt us. We do this no so we can make right what they did, but so we can begin to understand the painful event from their point of view.

Why Forgive?

When I guide clients through this process, the outcomes can be amazing. Forgiveness shows up on new levels. It appears in themselves, for others, as well as from very traumatic events. Forgiveness also may lead to physical changes being made and career transitions that are fulfilling.

The point of forgiveness is not to make right what happened, but to bring a new sense of empathy and compassion to all involved. This means inside YOU too!

Our hurt from those who have hurt can be decreased or eliminated through forgiveness.  We break the bond over a painful event by allowing ourselves to forgive. For that reason, when we attempt to consider how they were thinking and feeling, we begin to understand their actions.  We can see that the painful actions were not truly against us, but a request for love or significance in a very unhealthy way. Forgiveness comes into play when we realize that was the best way that they knew how to fulfill that request at that time. While we never have to let the action be OK, we have to allow ourselves to be OK. This results in an ability to move forward out of the darkness of the event and into light and love. So we can love ourselves wholly again.

From a soul perspective, we claim ownership over the meaning we give that event. We no longer make it about how it hurt us, but rather how they were hurt. As we step into empathy, we see more love and compassion for them and above all, for ourselves. We dive deeper to bring clarity, resolution, and forgiveness.

Forgiveness of a Process

As I write the words in this blog, it is easy to put on my virtual paper, but harder to do in person. Simply reading an inspirational blog daily or the Bible verse of the day on an app will not relieve the pain. Embracing the repetition of forgiveness can.

I hope that this blog can be a beginning point for you. Once that starts or gives you the strength to continue the journey of forgiveness, empathy, and compassion. A journey to release the grip of the chains that bind you to the painful events or even sets you free of them!

We need to allow ourselves to see things from the point of view of others. This way, we realize that what they are doing was not against us. We see that painful actions against us were taken to make up for the affection and love that our painmaker didn’t receive. Similarly, they may not have known how to treat us better…they didn’t know better, so they could not do better (Maya Angelous paraphrase!) In this realization, we can transcend the hurt and the pain. As a result, we are able to realize it was never about us in the first place. The story of a hero who overcame the darkness with light and love can replace the story of a victim.

I believe that there is unbelievable healing in forgiveness.  As a result, I love what Mastin wrote. Forgiving someone can take years of the burden off your shoulders as well as your soul.  It restores relationships, enables new beginnings, and allows us to move on to better things.

What is ONE WAY you can start practicing forgiveness right now? I’d love to hear you share with me in the comments below.

Be Well,

Sheila

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